What's the worst that I can say?
I've been flirting with this guy via text all day; and the more we've flirted, the more I've realized how uncomfortable actually being involved with a guy makes me these days. I have this on-going thing about facing fears and stepping out of my comfort zone. I feel like I've just hit the tip of that, so far; and this is one of those things I feel I need to face.
As I've said before, 2011 has not been a good year for me as far as relationships (and jobs) go. This has left me feeling a little...lacking in a lot of things. Especially my personality. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me. It also makes me wonder if I dismiss things too easily--like I've found an easy answer, or solution, but it was too easy. I think I'm afraid of actually looking at myself and deciding what to get rid of and what to hold on to. Because, when I look inside, I'll realize how much of me I hate and how much of me I need to overhaul.
And, now, I'm feeling like there's a possibility that there could be something with this guy--like, future hangings out and stuff. And I'm scared. I'm scared when I shouldn't be. And I feel like a hypocrite, as always, for telling myself to constantly step out of my comfort zone and face my fears; but when I'm actually faced with a fear, I go into the fetal position. Or is that the fecal position? hehe Who knows. I curl into a ball on my bed and wonder why this world is so scary. But it's not.
Tell you what, I'm not scared. And I'm not taking crap from the wimp inside of me anymore. This is silly.
As I've said before, 2011 has not been a good year for me as far as relationships (and jobs) go. This has left me feeling a little...lacking in a lot of things. Especially my personality. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me. It also makes me wonder if I dismiss things too easily--like I've found an easy answer, or solution, but it was too easy. I think I'm afraid of actually looking at myself and deciding what to get rid of and what to hold on to. Because, when I look inside, I'll realize how much of me I hate and how much of me I need to overhaul.
And, now, I'm feeling like there's a possibility that there could be something with this guy--like, future hangings out and stuff. And I'm scared. I'm scared when I shouldn't be. And I feel like a hypocrite, as always, for telling myself to constantly step out of my comfort zone and face my fears; but when I'm actually faced with a fear, I go into the fetal position. Or is that the fecal position? hehe Who knows. I curl into a ball on my bed and wonder why this world is so scary. But it's not.
Tell you what, I'm not scared. And I'm not taking crap from the wimp inside of me anymore. This is silly.
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