The travel agent of...
Today, my sister and I were having a lively conversation about our family and our childhood growing up with them. There were a lot of awesome times and fun activities--good memories. And then there were Saturdays: the day of the week that Mom would crack the whip and invoke child labor. Unlike most kids, we didn't really enjoy our Saturdays because it seems like we were always having to clean something that day.
Why is this? Why were we unable to relax our tired little heads from a week filled with education and pranks? It's because our mom is allergic to laziness. She can't stand it. She breaks out in hives when she sees someone just sitting. She starts burning up and her airways close when she sees someone either taking a nap or watching TV.
We were kids, though, so we didn't give a crap if our mom freaked out over us just sitting around and playing. So, what did she do to motivate us to do our chores? One of two things were inflicted on us: guilt trips or blackmail, more of the former than the latter. My mom is the travel agent of guilt trips. She's a pro. She can make you feel bad about anything: all she has to do is act disappointed or pissed.
I didn't realize she did this until I got in college and wasn't living with her anymore. I noticed other people living guiltless lives, feeling happy about what they were doing. No one seemed to be forced to do anything--well, other than homework.
This was such a strange concept to me: I can think for myself? I can do work without having to feel guilty before? It was a freeing feeling. The day I realized that mommy was ruling my life was the day I let go of the apron strings and started finding myself. It was ridiculous to be 21 years old and still be taking orders from mother.
Today, though, Katrina and I were talking about how crappy it was that we were guilted into stuff as kids. Personally, I hope to find better ways to influence and motivate my children that don't involve guilt. You know why? Because guilt makes you feel like crap. It makes you feel like you're always doing something wrong or that you can never make the guilter happy. Why should a child ever have to have that much pressure on them? Children should be allowed to be children; they shouldn't be used against themselves--against their nature.
Think about this: how many people in your life do you guilt into doing things? How many times do you try to make people feel bad for you so that they do something for you? Do you consider these people your friends? Do you consider those who guilt you your friend? I hope to hear a big fat 'no' on those last two because people who use guilt are only helping satan (take that, travel agents).
I actually have an ex you uses guilt to his full advantage. Guilt doesn't work on me anymore, so I just get pissed; but just the fact that he tries is pathetic. Give it a break, people. You're not going to make me feel bad so that I'll do something I don't want to do. If I don't want to do it, I won't do it, dammit. Don't act like it will break your freaking heart if I don't because I obviously don't care, and it will not break your heart (if it does, you're a sissy).
In conclusion, don't use guilt as a tool to get what you want because people just end up resenting you. Find more loving ways to get it, if you want it that badly.
P.S. My mom was and is a great mom. She just used guilt a little too much.
Why is this? Why were we unable to relax our tired little heads from a week filled with education and pranks? It's because our mom is allergic to laziness. She can't stand it. She breaks out in hives when she sees someone just sitting. She starts burning up and her airways close when she sees someone either taking a nap or watching TV.
We were kids, though, so we didn't give a crap if our mom freaked out over us just sitting around and playing. So, what did she do to motivate us to do our chores? One of two things were inflicted on us: guilt trips or blackmail, more of the former than the latter. My mom is the travel agent of guilt trips. She's a pro. She can make you feel bad about anything: all she has to do is act disappointed or pissed.
I didn't realize she did this until I got in college and wasn't living with her anymore. I noticed other people living guiltless lives, feeling happy about what they were doing. No one seemed to be forced to do anything--well, other than homework.
This was such a strange concept to me: I can think for myself? I can do work without having to feel guilty before? It was a freeing feeling. The day I realized that mommy was ruling my life was the day I let go of the apron strings and started finding myself. It was ridiculous to be 21 years old and still be taking orders from mother.
Today, though, Katrina and I were talking about how crappy it was that we were guilted into stuff as kids. Personally, I hope to find better ways to influence and motivate my children that don't involve guilt. You know why? Because guilt makes you feel like crap. It makes you feel like you're always doing something wrong or that you can never make the guilter happy. Why should a child ever have to have that much pressure on them? Children should be allowed to be children; they shouldn't be used against themselves--against their nature.
Think about this: how many people in your life do you guilt into doing things? How many times do you try to make people feel bad for you so that they do something for you? Do you consider these people your friends? Do you consider those who guilt you your friend? I hope to hear a big fat 'no' on those last two because people who use guilt are only helping satan (take that, travel agents).
I actually have an ex you uses guilt to his full advantage. Guilt doesn't work on me anymore, so I just get pissed; but just the fact that he tries is pathetic. Give it a break, people. You're not going to make me feel bad so that I'll do something I don't want to do. If I don't want to do it, I won't do it, dammit. Don't act like it will break your freaking heart if I don't because I obviously don't care, and it will not break your heart (if it does, you're a sissy).
In conclusion, don't use guilt as a tool to get what you want because people just end up resenting you. Find more loving ways to get it, if you want it that badly.
P.S. My mom was and is a great mom. She just used guilt a little too much.
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