Thoughts for the After Math

Today, I was talking to my sister about my recent break-up; and I found that it's so much easier to figure out my feelings out when I have someone to bounce them off of.
I realized tonight that the true only reason why I said yes to marrying my ex-fiance was because it was the right thing to do in the society I live within. Yes, I loved him--I still do. But the reason I felt so uneasy about the engagement and marriage is because I wasn't doing it for me. I was doing it for my mom and dad and for my siblings and extended family and for all the friends I would be telling. I did it because that's what Mormons do--they meet someone they could live with for the rest of their lives and they take that person to the Holy Temple and never really look back.
Honestly, I looked back. And inside. And I realized that that marriage would not have had me in it as a participating member. I just would have known that I had "done the right thing". But, now, I'm saying that I broke up with the fellow because it truly was the right thing. I have now accomplished the right thing. I'm not saying this to reassure myself--no, I've known all along that this was right--no, I'm saying this in hopes that someday someone will read this and realize the same thing. And this thing is this: Love. Marriage needs it.
I'm not talking about 'like on fire'; no, I'm talking about ferociously burning love. Love that is so good that it's hard to taste the bitter. Love so bright that you don't believe in darkness. Love so warm that there is no longer any such thing as cold or loneliness or even boredom. Yes, people, I'm talking about the real deal, here.
I'm also declaring a war on it. Or hide and seek. Or whatever you want to call it; but I'm going to find it, even if this search lasts my entire life. I won't stop until I've found the right thing--the real thing.