Last Friday night
Last summer, I made an odd realization about myself. I feel most like myself when I feel completely, utterly, femininely sexy. Perhaps that's how most girls are, but allow me to explain.
For seven weeks last summer, I found myself inhabiting an apartment completely on my own. It was the first time I had ever lived alone. I spent the first week scared of the dark and buried in my room, feeling completely lonely. But then, I got creative.
I built a fort in the living room (my facebook header). It was my haven. I began falling asleep to black and white movies every night, soaking in the classic personalities who led the plots. I would giggle and nod off at the same time. It was wonderful.
And then I started working out daily, feeling unabashed to do so on the cool tile floor of the kitchen. I did zumba in a sports bra and danskin pants (from my high school dancing years). So, every morning, I would wake, get in that get up and shake my ass for a couple of hours. Often, I would put music on after and continue to shake it because I felt so good.
I would take long, hot showers, allowing myself the attention of every body part before getting out. Then, I would spend my days with the warm breeze pulling through drawn shades so I could walk around without a top. I felt beautiful and fit.
I cooked elaborate dinners for myself in the evenings, letting the delicious smells waft over the complex and making everyone envious of my kitchen. Then, I would spend my evenings surfing the internet and standing on the balcony falling vastly in love with the moon.
I would never have tired of that life. My friends lived right next door for when I got lonely. Other than that, I had my own time, and I was happy with it. It was the small era of my life when I was most alive and most myself. I felt as if I had finally found Virginia Tefft.
Now, I sit and wonder where she's gone. When did she lose her nerve and go back into hiding? How do I bring her back as someone who's ready for this life I lead? What did I do to offend her?
For seven weeks last summer, I found myself inhabiting an apartment completely on my own. It was the first time I had ever lived alone. I spent the first week scared of the dark and buried in my room, feeling completely lonely. But then, I got creative.
I built a fort in the living room (my facebook header). It was my haven. I began falling asleep to black and white movies every night, soaking in the classic personalities who led the plots. I would giggle and nod off at the same time. It was wonderful.
And then I started working out daily, feeling unabashed to do so on the cool tile floor of the kitchen. I did zumba in a sports bra and danskin pants (from my high school dancing years). So, every morning, I would wake, get in that get up and shake my ass for a couple of hours. Often, I would put music on after and continue to shake it because I felt so good.
I would take long, hot showers, allowing myself the attention of every body part before getting out. Then, I would spend my days with the warm breeze pulling through drawn shades so I could walk around without a top. I felt beautiful and fit.
I cooked elaborate dinners for myself in the evenings, letting the delicious smells waft over the complex and making everyone envious of my kitchen. Then, I would spend my evenings surfing the internet and standing on the balcony falling vastly in love with the moon.
I would never have tired of that life. My friends lived right next door for when I got lonely. Other than that, I had my own time, and I was happy with it. It was the small era of my life when I was most alive and most myself. I felt as if I had finally found Virginia Tefft.
Now, I sit and wonder where she's gone. When did she lose her nerve and go back into hiding? How do I bring her back as someone who's ready for this life I lead? What did I do to offend her?
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