What ever happened to my Transylvanian twist?
Halloween is like New Year's for me. I tend to look back at my year and see how much I've changed, remember what last year was like. I've been through so much and have learned so much since last year. I've got to say, I'm pretty proud of myself for how much I've grown as an individual.
Last year, I was still a hot mess emotionally. I didn't know how to maintain a relationship--either platonic or romantic. I was lonely and desperate. I was still incredibly heart-broken from something that shouldn't have mattered. It was just a blip in my history, after all. And despite being on medication and visiting my therapist consistently, I was considering suicide on Halloween last year. It's ironic, seeing as this is my favorite day of the year. I think the thought was romantic that I should die on such a day.
Since then, I've had my share of adventures. There's been such a big learning curve in how I decide to run my life. I think all that started when I finally figured out how to let love in without giving it the option of destroying me if it didn't pan out. I've been in a couple of very healthy relationships, both of which I'm proud, even though they didn't work out. Then again, I think I'm most proud of how well I got through those breakups and the hard times around them.
Besides romance, I've grown up as an individual. I took my learning and growth provided from my therapist and helped myself bloom. I gained my independence by feeling around in my head and figuring out what everything means to me. I was able to take myself off of my medication and haven't been to my therapist for a couple of months, now--and I'm in complete control! I've never felt so self-aware in my life, and it's very liberating. As a result of my learning to love myself, I've also been able to find love for people around me. It's a higher degree of respect, and I've never been happier.
I know I'm not perfect--I don't anticipate ever being perfect--and I still have my down moments where it feels like the world is crumbling around me; but the difference, now, is that I know that those feelings will pass and that there will be happiness later. I know that the happiness will always outshine the sadness, as well, even when the world seems incredibly dark and cold. I'm so glad I'm still around to see another wonderful Halloween. I can't believe I ever considered ending it all, seeing as there is always a new adventure to be had. As Peter Pan (my ultimate favorite fictional character) said, "Living would be an awfully big adventure!"
I hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween! Eats lots of candy! Oh! And get lots of scares in! Yay!
Last year, I was still a hot mess emotionally. I didn't know how to maintain a relationship--either platonic or romantic. I was lonely and desperate. I was still incredibly heart-broken from something that shouldn't have mattered. It was just a blip in my history, after all. And despite being on medication and visiting my therapist consistently, I was considering suicide on Halloween last year. It's ironic, seeing as this is my favorite day of the year. I think the thought was romantic that I should die on such a day.
Since then, I've had my share of adventures. There's been such a big learning curve in how I decide to run my life. I think all that started when I finally figured out how to let love in without giving it the option of destroying me if it didn't pan out. I've been in a couple of very healthy relationships, both of which I'm proud, even though they didn't work out. Then again, I think I'm most proud of how well I got through those breakups and the hard times around them.
Besides romance, I've grown up as an individual. I took my learning and growth provided from my therapist and helped myself bloom. I gained my independence by feeling around in my head and figuring out what everything means to me. I was able to take myself off of my medication and haven't been to my therapist for a couple of months, now--and I'm in complete control! I've never felt so self-aware in my life, and it's very liberating. As a result of my learning to love myself, I've also been able to find love for people around me. It's a higher degree of respect, and I've never been happier.
I know I'm not perfect--I don't anticipate ever being perfect--and I still have my down moments where it feels like the world is crumbling around me; but the difference, now, is that I know that those feelings will pass and that there will be happiness later. I know that the happiness will always outshine the sadness, as well, even when the world seems incredibly dark and cold. I'm so glad I'm still around to see another wonderful Halloween. I can't believe I ever considered ending it all, seeing as there is always a new adventure to be had. As Peter Pan (my ultimate favorite fictional character) said, "Living would be an awfully big adventure!"
I hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween! Eats lots of candy! Oh! And get lots of scares in! Yay!
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