Sorrow: A Novel on a Young Woman Moving to...Her Destiny
My decision making for post-grad plans have been very tentative and wishy washy for the entire semester. I've had two choices, and they both have their ups and downs. Allow me to explain: the first idea that came into my head was to live in Sandy, UT with my aunt Cindy. I chose this because it's easy to get to after I graduate, my Aunt Cindy is completely awesome, and I feel I have more of a chance to get a job as well as a social life in Utah. The down sides to this option is that I'll have to pay rent the first month I get out--so I have to guarantee myself a job the moment I step into the big SLC. Also, I'll be having to look for a job and get to the job with either little to no gas or little to no money for the train.
Choice two happened about a month or two ago. My family offered for me to live back at their place. It would be rent-free and I would get my food for free. I would also be able to spend some quality time with my siblings, which I hardly get apart from Katrina. I would also have a job practically guaranteed me. But the down side to this is that I would have no social life at all beyond my family. My family is also really short on money, right now, so feeding, bathing, and doing the laundry of another person would only hurt them. All in all, I wouldn't be happy there because of the financial stress and the lack of social life, which I'm used to by now.
Last night, I was talking to Ben (my friend from London) about this ordeal: the fact that I have a lot of money that I owe to a lot of people who all want it right now; my two choices--the practical home life and the happy city life; and the stress that has built between the two with the opinions of the older people in my family. We went over it for a while--went over almost every detail about why I should stay in both places. In the end, Ben decidedly told me that I should stay in Sandy because that's where I'd be happy, even if it is a risk.
Well, after that, I wasn't completely convinced, so I asked Katrina--who knows what I would be facing at home if I went. Nevertheless, she was set of the practical choice. "Go home," she said--her reasoning was that she didn't want to support me anymore and neither would Aunt Cindy. It was harsh, but fair. Katrina's been supporting me for a while (except for about half of this semester).
At this point, I was confused because once more, both sides were berating me. I had to make a choice quickly, but I didn't want to make the wrong one. I went to bed, but as soon as the lights were off, I was sobbing like the 24-year-old child I really am. I guess I was sobbing so loudly that my roommate heard me, and she came into my room and asked what was up. So, I told her--I told her everything that had been going on between different people who knew and loved me, and I told her about my circumstances and where they could take me.
Believe it or not, I soon got the most sound advice from the one person I hadn't thought to ask. Aubrie, my roommate, told me that I should go where I'm happiest because I won't be productive when I'm always moping around and horribly depressed. She also said that it's really hard to go back home because parents will be parents, no matter how old you are. I also added that I would probably start helping my mom and dad, which would only be a detriment to my moving out as soon as possible. And finally she said that life is about taking risks--sure, I don't know what awaits me in Sandy, but I can do my best. And if my best isn't good enough, I can move on. No big deal.
So, I was finally able to go to sleep; and now here I sit on the next morning typing this up. I'm typing this up because I want whoever reads this POS blog to know that life truly is filled with hard decisions. It sucks balls having to deal with them. And I'm going to sound cheesy saying this next line, but bear with me: knowing what your heart wants and following it is the best advice you could get from yourself--oh, and having good friends who will point that out, that's valuable, too.
And finally, I have decided to move to Salt Lake, damn it. That's my final word, and nobody is allowed to stress me out about it anymore!
Choice two happened about a month or two ago. My family offered for me to live back at their place. It would be rent-free and I would get my food for free. I would also be able to spend some quality time with my siblings, which I hardly get apart from Katrina. I would also have a job practically guaranteed me. But the down side to this is that I would have no social life at all beyond my family. My family is also really short on money, right now, so feeding, bathing, and doing the laundry of another person would only hurt them. All in all, I wouldn't be happy there because of the financial stress and the lack of social life, which I'm used to by now.
Last night, I was talking to Ben (my friend from London) about this ordeal: the fact that I have a lot of money that I owe to a lot of people who all want it right now; my two choices--the practical home life and the happy city life; and the stress that has built between the two with the opinions of the older people in my family. We went over it for a while--went over almost every detail about why I should stay in both places. In the end, Ben decidedly told me that I should stay in Sandy because that's where I'd be happy, even if it is a risk.
Well, after that, I wasn't completely convinced, so I asked Katrina--who knows what I would be facing at home if I went. Nevertheless, she was set of the practical choice. "Go home," she said--her reasoning was that she didn't want to support me anymore and neither would Aunt Cindy. It was harsh, but fair. Katrina's been supporting me for a while (except for about half of this semester).
At this point, I was confused because once more, both sides were berating me. I had to make a choice quickly, but I didn't want to make the wrong one. I went to bed, but as soon as the lights were off, I was sobbing like the 24-year-old child I really am. I guess I was sobbing so loudly that my roommate heard me, and she came into my room and asked what was up. So, I told her--I told her everything that had been going on between different people who knew and loved me, and I told her about my circumstances and where they could take me.
Believe it or not, I soon got the most sound advice from the one person I hadn't thought to ask. Aubrie, my roommate, told me that I should go where I'm happiest because I won't be productive when I'm always moping around and horribly depressed. She also said that it's really hard to go back home because parents will be parents, no matter how old you are. I also added that I would probably start helping my mom and dad, which would only be a detriment to my moving out as soon as possible. And finally she said that life is about taking risks--sure, I don't know what awaits me in Sandy, but I can do my best. And if my best isn't good enough, I can move on. No big deal.
So, I was finally able to go to sleep; and now here I sit on the next morning typing this up. I'm typing this up because I want whoever reads this POS blog to know that life truly is filled with hard decisions. It sucks balls having to deal with them. And I'm going to sound cheesy saying this next line, but bear with me: knowing what your heart wants and following it is the best advice you could get from yourself--oh, and having good friends who will point that out, that's valuable, too.
And finally, I have decided to move to Salt Lake, damn it. That's my final word, and nobody is allowed to stress me out about it anymore!
Hurray for decisions!
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