I tie my hands up to the chair so I don't fall that way.

Every now and then, I wonder if there is an alternative choice to the life I'm living, now. I see how I'm doing things, and I wonder how I can do it differently to make myself happier, or at least more content or successful. Because of money, I don't have much breathing room--my life is controlled by many things outside of my control...but I also wonder if I'm limiting myself too much. What more can I change within myself to find what I'm searching for? Do I even know what I'm searching for?
I also sometimes wonder how many other people lead a life similar to mine: constantly on the brink of discord. It's slightly morbid of me, but I find myself thinking a lot about death these days: my own death, physical harm to myself, the death of others around me, etc. I think it's the stress talking, but I worry how it will get once I'm actually in a stressful situation. I'm being a huge sissie, right now. I don't want to know how I'll be or what I'll be like once I'm put in a situation that actually holds a lot of pressure.
Anyway, I'm rambling because I'm upset and felt like blogging. I probably need to go and try to sleep. Probably just end up laying awake and wondering why I'm still alive and continuing to waste space, food, and energy. Anyway, good night.