About Abortion and Birth Control

I’ve been slightly following the news on all the new abortion rulings occurring all over the country (United States). I only slightly follow the topic because too many details make me overly emotional, and I try not to overwhelm myself with something I have little control over. However much I’ve tried, though, these headlines I’ve read have left me feeling both anxious and angry. What if this problem grows and scatters throughout our nation like a cancer and there’s little we can do to fight back? How will this affect our lives on an individual basis, spiraling out into our society as a whole?

I don’t think I’ve made my feelings on this particular issue known to the general public, yet, because I haven’t felt the need when so many others are speaking out in terms that I agree with. I feel that now is my time to speak out and share my personal feelings about it. More voices need to be heard in this time of crisis, so here’s mine.

I’m mortally afraid of pregnancy. The terror I feel at just the prospect of becoming pregnant speeds up my heart, makes my hands clammy, and turns my vagina into a dry, sexless wasteland. I grew up in a family of nurses, so I’ve heard all the horror stories associated with pregnancy; and I’ve also witnessed the loss of self motherhood inflicts on a person. I also grew up in a family who expected to be breeding breeders. I was expected to get married and have lots of babies—that was the only dream afforded me for a long time. However, due to my rebellious nature, at 16 years old, I decided I wasn’t going down that route. I wasn’t interested in letting people who had already made their life choices make mine before life had truly begun for me. The thought of it still disgusts me.

Therefore, if I were ever to become accidentally pregnant (because however much I hate pregnancy, I do quite enjoy sex), I would instantly seek medical help with an abortion because I know I don’t want to be a mother, and that fact alone proves that I shouldn’t be a mother. To be clear, I don’t necessarily want an abortion, hence I’m very careful during sex; abortion, for me, is for emergencies only and will be avoided as much as possible. It’s just a better option than the alternatives. And don’t talk to me about the adoption route because I’m not going through the risk of illness due to compromised immunity during pregnancy, and I sure as hell am not going through labor, with all the pain and irreversible body shifts that come with it.

I know what I’m missing by choosing not to be the mother of a child. I grew up in a great family. Our home is filled with love, and it always feel a little empty when one of us isn’t around. I know there are certain joys that come with being a parent. Believe me, I’ve weighed all this throughout my life. My decision to remain childless is very informed and self-actualized because I didn’t want to make such a big life choice simply based on teenage rebellion that was drawn out into my adulthood. I know my mind. I know I can’t handle motherhood. It would be too much for me. The very thought of it makes me cringe and panic, and I have to remind myself of my choice and that my sex is safe in order to remove myself from that nightmare. I’ve chosen, instead, to be the mother of fresh thought put to word and any other art or message I may feel inspired to create and release out into the world.

I get it: I’m selfish. But guess what? I can be selfish! Because it’s my body and my life—my choice. And it’s like a slap in the face to see these laws get passed that control that choice for women like me, or—worse—women in worse circumstances than I am in.

I know there are many people who stand by the argument that abortion is murder. To those people: you’re welcome to disagree with me. However, it’s pretty fucked up when you take the choice right out of my hands, when all I can think about is how much a pregnancy would destroy my life as I know and enjoy it. Besides, I don’t view it as ethically wrong because there is no sentience—no awareness—in that tiny bean, yet. What’s ethically wrong is forcing women to bring life into a world as fucked up as this, without being prepared or able to take care of the new life. That’s a level of child abuse that now rests on the heads of those passing these absurd laws.

I’m not sure I’ll ever fully understand some peoples’ need to suppress the choice of others. Many places suppress our sexual choices long before we even reach adulthood—sex ed. Instead of being taught how to safely enjoy a healthy sex life and how to avoid unwanted pregnancy or disease, we’re often taught to just not think about it, that you’re a bad person for wanting it, and that pregnancy and disease is inevitable. Our scope of knowledge on the topic is trimmed to meet the needs of over-sensitive (and often Christian) parents—parents in denial of their child’s newly-found sexual urges. So, we don’t learn to use birth control properly until later, when we’re figuring it out on our own (a system which leaves many liable outliers who end up making life-shattering mistakes due to lack of information and/or lack of funds to seek the proper information and resources).

I actually can’t believe that we’re as technologically advanced as we are, yet still acting like children when it comes to issues like this. By now, we should have plenty of options for safe, body-friendly birth control—for both genders! We should also have safe, affordable, and efficient ways to sterilize ourselves if we want…and not after a certain age because “you could change your mind with time” kind of bullshit. This life that we are currently living, right now, is all about choice; and when choice is taken away, you can bet your ass there will be an uprising—not just of voices pleading for that choice back, but also of unsafe procedures, easily avoidable illnesses and deaths, and children growing up in homes that didn’t want them to begin with. Please, just think for a moment what the consequences of these laws will have on us as a people and realize how many will suffer because a few closed-minded individuals couldn’t look past their pride, power, and/or religious beliefs to see that their universe isn’t the universe.

I know my views on this topic seem simple, one-sided, even a little egotistical. It’s hard to step far enough out of the situation to fully understand those who see things completely differently than I do, mostly because of my own fears associated with pregnancy. I do know that there are fears and frustrations felt by those who are “pro-life” that are very real to those people. I feel everyone’s fears should be addressed, understood, and respected. I also feel that this matter has been over-complicated due to the strong emotions tied to it from both ends of the spectrum. This is an issue that has become morally murky; however, this is only due to the actions and messages of extremists. To me, this issue has a similar feel to when people were fighting over LGBT+ rights, where some people (allies and sane people) saw it all realistically and supported the LGBT+ community, even if they weren’t a part of it…because that’s what decent human beings do. However, there were others who were ok with the idea of removing basic autonomy, choice, from the LGBT+ community because these extremists didn’t see them as fellow humans just living their normal lives; in their minds, they became monsters. And that’s exactly what’s happening with abortion. I’m definitely not saying it’s the same issue; I’m only pointing out the similarity where choice was taken away by people who didn’t understand, a decision that affected not the lives of those who made the choice, but those whose voices were stripped away by the decision-makers. And, as a result of that decision, people suddenly faced dangers that they wouldn’t have had to face if only compassion was used while considering options. I feel like I’m talking in circles, at this point (sorry, guys, I’m finishing this post after a rough night of sleep). But, really, look to our past and see what oppression has done to us when, say, alcohol was abolished or when whole communities were oppressed like black people, Mexicans/immigrants, Native Americans. For Christ’s sake, you’d think we would have learned our lesson, by now.

My point: we each have our own story—our own perspective—which gives each of us a fresh look at any given topic. We need to temper ourselves so we can remove the emotions that are proving as obstacles and be open to having honest, compassionate conversations around this topic. It will not be settled until we’re able to do this because just yelling back and forth at each other obviously isn’t changing anything. I’m really not sure how to ultimately make this issue better…but I’m only one mind in millions.