Bittersweet

I'm not sure where this post is going to go, but I need something to confide in. I don't have anything or anyone else to talk to. It's a bit sad that I have to rely on technology to vent my feelings, but here I am.

Last night was hell for me. I didn't get much sleep because of certain circumstances that I'd rather not explain here. I've been going through a lot of crap, lately, what with being all unemployed and about to lose the health insurance that helps pay for my prescribed sanity. And then last night happened. It showed me a whole new level of heart break and pain. I thought I had felt it all. I was foolish for thinking someone as young as I am has felt the depths of depression on all levels.

I feel like I've lost complete control of my life. I've ended up in this void where all there is is loss, and I'm not sure how to dig my way out of it. No one's hiring me, especially not someone who could provide me with the health insurance I so desperately need. My love life is an official wreck. I've slid so far back in quitting smoking that I'll have to start all over again. And I'm alone because I am incapable of making human bonds strong enough to have a shoulder to cry on when it's needed.

I'll probably regret this blog later. And anyone who reads this will probably find it ridiculous. But this is the closest thing I have to keeping a journal, and written word is all I have right now. I don't know if this is one of my last entries or if you'll get a blog later saying how I made it through the storm again and I'm triumphant until I get smashed down once again. I guess this is just what life's about.