Sex and Purity
I've been delving deeper into my experiences and psychoses involving sex, lately. Many of my personal demons are sex-themed, and I feel I'll come out a healthier person by acknowledging and understanding them.
If you've read any of my previous blogs, you'll know I grew up in a Christian household in which sex was not addressed further than a brief explanation on the mechanics of how babies are made and a stern reminder not to participate until married. Despite all that, I had a high sex drive, as most teenagers do, and had a "problem" with masturbation. That "problem" typically led to my guiltily dragging myself to the bishop's office on Sundays and tearfully asking for god's forgiveness before the shame of that cycle pushed me to suppress any vaguely sexual thoughts that crossed my mind. I got really good at my own oppression, to the point that I've had a really hard time maintaining a sex drive, now, long after I've made the conscious choice that sex isn't a bad thing and I kind of like it.
I recently read this article, which opened my eyes to some of my errors in thought. I've gone through most of the experiences mentioned, including the highly embarrassing and uncomfortable rape fantasies. I didn't understand that those fantasies had to do with my Christian up-bringing, as well; but as above, so below. People under the thumb of religion enjoy their cage of oppression because, according to them, some god (consciousness outside of themselves) has a plan for their life. All they have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride, basically. They're A-OK with life just happening to them because it's what their god wants for them, and that god is always right.
It's the same concept behind rape fantasies. I didn't want the responsibility of admitting that I want sex, so I just imagined it being forced. It makes me a bit sick and nervous just typing this out, honestly. But understanding how that way of thinking works, I can own my horniness, which isn't a shameful thing to have. Actually, it's perfectly normal and healthy to want and have sex. There's a reason sex falls under the first level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs right next to food, water, air, and sleep. Just think about how important each of those things are for our survival and how fucked up we get if we don't have any one of those things. I don't know about you; but, if I'm sleep-deprived or hungry enough, I might as well be a wild animal roaring and clawing at anything that moves.
This purity mindset also transfers into rape culture. For some ridiculous reason, we place so much guilt and/or shame on women who are sexually free, all while congratulating men for getting it whenever they want or can. Who are all these straight men meant to be having sex with if women don't have a sex drive? And do you really think lesbian relationships are sexless? You would be mistaken.
Imagine a night out on the town with the girls, and you catch the eye of a cute someone from across the room. You're interested in sex with this person, but it's embarrassing to admit if you're oppressed about it at all. So, you'll flirt heavily, maybe hint at it here and there; but when it comes down to it, maybe you're too scared of feeling like a slut to go through with it--after this someone has been worked up to a sexual froth from your tenacious flirting. So, he rapes you to get his satisfaction (I really apologize if this is triggering, I'm getting to the point). As a disclaimer, I'm not saying this is how it always goes down; I know. But who is at fault here? Directly, the guy who didn't make damn sure he had a willing partner; but, ultimately, the purity mindset that's been ingrained in our brains.
As long as women take ownership and pride of their sexual desires, there's less risk of awkward or violent interactions because we know what we want. And if you're not it. you'll fucking know. And, as a side note, parents shouldn't teach kids that sex is bad; they should teach kids how to have safe sex and to understand the psychological implications of frivolous sex. It's really not too much to ask.
I'm taking my sexuality into my own hands because I care about my health and well-being. Sex has been a subject of grief for me for far too long, and I'm pretty tired of it creating tension in an other-wise open-minded and understanding relationship. This is on me; and I'm one more baby step closer to a healthier, happier me. And, to those in a similar position, best of luck and happy coming.
If you've read any of my previous blogs, you'll know I grew up in a Christian household in which sex was not addressed further than a brief explanation on the mechanics of how babies are made and a stern reminder not to participate until married. Despite all that, I had a high sex drive, as most teenagers do, and had a "problem" with masturbation. That "problem" typically led to my guiltily dragging myself to the bishop's office on Sundays and tearfully asking for god's forgiveness before the shame of that cycle pushed me to suppress any vaguely sexual thoughts that crossed my mind. I got really good at my own oppression, to the point that I've had a really hard time maintaining a sex drive, now, long after I've made the conscious choice that sex isn't a bad thing and I kind of like it.
I recently read this article, which opened my eyes to some of my errors in thought. I've gone through most of the experiences mentioned, including the highly embarrassing and uncomfortable rape fantasies. I didn't understand that those fantasies had to do with my Christian up-bringing, as well; but as above, so below. People under the thumb of religion enjoy their cage of oppression because, according to them, some god (consciousness outside of themselves) has a plan for their life. All they have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride, basically. They're A-OK with life just happening to them because it's what their god wants for them, and that god is always right.
It's the same concept behind rape fantasies. I didn't want the responsibility of admitting that I want sex, so I just imagined it being forced. It makes me a bit sick and nervous just typing this out, honestly. But understanding how that way of thinking works, I can own my horniness, which isn't a shameful thing to have. Actually, it's perfectly normal and healthy to want and have sex. There's a reason sex falls under the first level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs right next to food, water, air, and sleep. Just think about how important each of those things are for our survival and how fucked up we get if we don't have any one of those things. I don't know about you; but, if I'm sleep-deprived or hungry enough, I might as well be a wild animal roaring and clawing at anything that moves.
This purity mindset also transfers into rape culture. For some ridiculous reason, we place so much guilt and/or shame on women who are sexually free, all while congratulating men for getting it whenever they want or can. Who are all these straight men meant to be having sex with if women don't have a sex drive? And do you really think lesbian relationships are sexless? You would be mistaken.
Imagine a night out on the town with the girls, and you catch the eye of a cute someone from across the room. You're interested in sex with this person, but it's embarrassing to admit if you're oppressed about it at all. So, you'll flirt heavily, maybe hint at it here and there; but when it comes down to it, maybe you're too scared of feeling like a slut to go through with it--after this someone has been worked up to a sexual froth from your tenacious flirting. So, he rapes you to get his satisfaction (I really apologize if this is triggering, I'm getting to the point). As a disclaimer, I'm not saying this is how it always goes down; I know. But who is at fault here? Directly, the guy who didn't make damn sure he had a willing partner; but, ultimately, the purity mindset that's been ingrained in our brains.
As long as women take ownership and pride of their sexual desires, there's less risk of awkward or violent interactions because we know what we want. And if you're not it. you'll fucking know. And, as a side note, parents shouldn't teach kids that sex is bad; they should teach kids how to have safe sex and to understand the psychological implications of frivolous sex. It's really not too much to ask.
I'm taking my sexuality into my own hands because I care about my health and well-being. Sex has been a subject of grief for me for far too long, and I'm pretty tired of it creating tension in an other-wise open-minded and understanding relationship. This is on me; and I'm one more baby step closer to a healthier, happier me. And, to those in a similar position, best of luck and happy coming.
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