Have you been alright?
Earlier, my mom was venting to me about how she was having troubles convincing my teenage sister to do her church studies. Seeing as that particular sister and myself have similar personality traits--namely, a strong sense of independence resulting in bull-headed stubbornness--she asked me for some advice on how to handle the situation. I had a few things to say, but I feel like they weren't fully communicated in the way I wanted them to be. I also wanted to broadcast my opinion on this, seeing as I've known quite a few families with teenagers who have similar "problems".
Ok, if I haven't mentioned it enough: I grew up Mormon. My family is Mormon. Remaining Mormon your whole life is a big deal to them because it means we have a better chance at spending the eternities together, according to doctrine. I fell away from the faith a couple of years ago after I started reevaluating my life and deciding what would make me happier and what I wanted to explore more of than what was being offered in my life as a Mormon woman. Since I've left, I've been very happy with my decision. I've felt more powerful as a woman. I've felt the world open up to me in a way that couldn't have happened if I had stayed in the faith. To me, Mormonism was a giant set of restrictions that left me afraid of everything around me--including my own body.
I knew that leaving the faith put a certain type of stress on my mom. According to her genuinely heart-felt beliefs, I won't be spending eternity with them. And I understand how hard that is to think of. I thought that about many friends and family in the past, and it broke my heart. Now that I've found a different perspective, I still haven't lost sight of that need for sensitivity toward my mother. This made the issue with my sister all that more sensitive because she was worried about losing another child to the world.
Upon thinking about it for a while, I've decided that the biggest point I have to make is that the Mormon church teaches that this life is about choice. It doesn't work if you're forced into doing things, even if they're good things. But that's the thing: spirituality cannot be forced. My sister is at an age where she can choose what she wants to believe and what she wants to study. It's hard to accept that fact, especially when you're a mother (I can't relate, I can just imagine). The truth of it is, though, that Leila is a strong-minded, opinionated young woman; and she'll do what she thinks is best for her. It's important (to her) that it's her choice whether to study.
Back then, I wish I had been given a choice. I wasn't nearly as stubborn as Leila is, but I still had moments when I would have rather been writing or sleeping or having fun with friends or my sisters. I know I would have appreciated my parents more if they had given me a choice rather than pushed me to complete seminary (which I later realized was a useless task to complete). That realization makes me see that this is a turning point in my parents' relationship with my sister and the other way around. She's been taught good morals and ethics up to this point in her life, and it's time for her to start deciding what she wants to believe about herself and the world around her. It's what every human being goes through...usually around their teenage years.
In the end, religion is only structured spiritual growth. That spiritual growth has to come with the same rhythm of our individual needs, interests, and habits. If you attempt to take someone else's spirituality into your own hands, there is only darkness to look forward into. Transitions are difficult, but they can be really fun once you relax and allow them to happen, rather than live in the fear of someone making a "wrong" decision according to your way of thinking. Please note that this isn't said in an accusatory tone, at all. Through this post, I hope to inspire a different way of thinking--my goal isn't to point fingers; it's to explain.
I hope this helped.
Ok, if I haven't mentioned it enough: I grew up Mormon. My family is Mormon. Remaining Mormon your whole life is a big deal to them because it means we have a better chance at spending the eternities together, according to doctrine. I fell away from the faith a couple of years ago after I started reevaluating my life and deciding what would make me happier and what I wanted to explore more of than what was being offered in my life as a Mormon woman. Since I've left, I've been very happy with my decision. I've felt more powerful as a woman. I've felt the world open up to me in a way that couldn't have happened if I had stayed in the faith. To me, Mormonism was a giant set of restrictions that left me afraid of everything around me--including my own body.
I knew that leaving the faith put a certain type of stress on my mom. According to her genuinely heart-felt beliefs, I won't be spending eternity with them. And I understand how hard that is to think of. I thought that about many friends and family in the past, and it broke my heart. Now that I've found a different perspective, I still haven't lost sight of that need for sensitivity toward my mother. This made the issue with my sister all that more sensitive because she was worried about losing another child to the world.
Upon thinking about it for a while, I've decided that the biggest point I have to make is that the Mormon church teaches that this life is about choice. It doesn't work if you're forced into doing things, even if they're good things. But that's the thing: spirituality cannot be forced. My sister is at an age where she can choose what she wants to believe and what she wants to study. It's hard to accept that fact, especially when you're a mother (I can't relate, I can just imagine). The truth of it is, though, that Leila is a strong-minded, opinionated young woman; and she'll do what she thinks is best for her. It's important (to her) that it's her choice whether to study.
Back then, I wish I had been given a choice. I wasn't nearly as stubborn as Leila is, but I still had moments when I would have rather been writing or sleeping or having fun with friends or my sisters. I know I would have appreciated my parents more if they had given me a choice rather than pushed me to complete seminary (which I later realized was a useless task to complete). That realization makes me see that this is a turning point in my parents' relationship with my sister and the other way around. She's been taught good morals and ethics up to this point in her life, and it's time for her to start deciding what she wants to believe about herself and the world around her. It's what every human being goes through...usually around their teenage years.
In the end, religion is only structured spiritual growth. That spiritual growth has to come with the same rhythm of our individual needs, interests, and habits. If you attempt to take someone else's spirituality into your own hands, there is only darkness to look forward into. Transitions are difficult, but they can be really fun once you relax and allow them to happen, rather than live in the fear of someone making a "wrong" decision according to your way of thinking. Please note that this isn't said in an accusatory tone, at all. Through this post, I hope to inspire a different way of thinking--my goal isn't to point fingers; it's to explain.
I hope this helped.
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