Smile at the chance just to see you again
Wow, it's been a while since I've posted. I've been keeping pretty busy with the holiday season and everything. Anyway, this post isn't about the holiday season at all--in fact, it's quite the contrary, seeing as the holiday season always reminds me of how selfish and assholeish people can be.
No, the subject of this post is the thought I just had: it seems my capacity to love has grown quite a bit this year. I don't know what did it: perhaps living in a comfortable, relaxed situation; going through more intense pain, and therefore finding deeper love in me; actually opening my heart to those around me...maybe it's a bit of all. I find myself loving so many people around me--truly caring about their problems, wanting to help them, hoping the best for them. For example, my coworkers. I haven't known them that long, at all; but there is something in all of them that I absolutely love. I joke with them and try to make them laugh when they're stressed or upset, and I get to know them when we're free to talk. It's wonderful because people are so different in so many ways.
And then I know this family with whom I've completely fallen in love. When I'm around them, my face hurts from smiling and laughing so much. When I'm not around them, I wonder how they're doing and can't wait to see them again.
I've never been like this before. I feel selfish and ass-like saying it, but I've never really taken the time to focus my positive energy to the outside world. I love my family to death. I would do anything for them, and I always worry about them...but now, it feels like the whole world could be my family. Something inside of me has shifted to the point that I hardly recognize what's in my heart, anymore. There's so much love and laughter there. I wish I could explain it in a process-like situation so I could share how to make this happen; but, in all honesty, it happened completely by accident. I guess that's just what love is like, though, isn't it? It's never predictable, so you have to always be open to it rushing in when it feels like it.
No, the subject of this post is the thought I just had: it seems my capacity to love has grown quite a bit this year. I don't know what did it: perhaps living in a comfortable, relaxed situation; going through more intense pain, and therefore finding deeper love in me; actually opening my heart to those around me...maybe it's a bit of all. I find myself loving so many people around me--truly caring about their problems, wanting to help them, hoping the best for them. For example, my coworkers. I haven't known them that long, at all; but there is something in all of them that I absolutely love. I joke with them and try to make them laugh when they're stressed or upset, and I get to know them when we're free to talk. It's wonderful because people are so different in so many ways.
And then I know this family with whom I've completely fallen in love. When I'm around them, my face hurts from smiling and laughing so much. When I'm not around them, I wonder how they're doing and can't wait to see them again.
I've never been like this before. I feel selfish and ass-like saying it, but I've never really taken the time to focus my positive energy to the outside world. I love my family to death. I would do anything for them, and I always worry about them...but now, it feels like the whole world could be my family. Something inside of me has shifted to the point that I hardly recognize what's in my heart, anymore. There's so much love and laughter there. I wish I could explain it in a process-like situation so I could share how to make this happen; but, in all honesty, it happened completely by accident. I guess that's just what love is like, though, isn't it? It's never predictable, so you have to always be open to it rushing in when it feels like it.
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