Whatever helps you sleep at night

All day, I've been in this state of numb, bitter haziness. Just pretty much hating life and everything in it. Questioning whether there's a real love out there or whether it's a huge sham having to do with chemistry in our bodies. Wondering whether I should ever bother to try to be happy again. That emotion never really works out for me, in the end.

But then, at around 7:55p, I stepped outside for the first time at that time of day than I have in ages. I forgot how gorgeous the world is right after the sun has gone down. Everything glows with its own energy, still remembering the sun's warmth and light. Everything is beautiful, even if it's just a piece of scrap metal in my back yard. That's the time of day that I wish would last the entire day and night. But if it did last the entire day, I would never have learned to appreciate those ten minutes out of the day that everything is beautiful. I suppose there's something to be learned out of all that brain vomit, but I'm too pessimistic and depressed to decide what, right now. Regardless, enjoy whatever message I conveyed and also enjoy this poem I wrote a few years back that applies quite well to me, now:

I've been waiting all night for the morning
Hot breath passes through my lips
Lungs pumping, burning
Bloodshot eyes sting
As they peer into the cool evening
A mourning inside
Dying, aching to once more see the light

Shadows blanket the room
As I flick the lightswitch off
Just to feel blind
No moon
No stars
Just streetlights and headlights
Surging between every part
Moving across the wall in strips
The hum of traffic berates me

I've been waiting all night for the morning