Let's pretend we're in Antarctica.
I think I've finally figured out why I've had such hard luck in love this year: it's me, obviously. This isn't going to be a blog with me drooling and weeping in self-pity about how gross I am. No, this is an actual thing I've figured out--though I've kind of known the entire time.
I've found that, given my mind's present location (aka, in space), I shouldn't be looking at LDS men. Not around here, anyway. This is because I don't know what I believe. There it is: I put it out there. I don't know what I believe, people. And men out here are looking for a strong, believing Mormon girl, not a half-assed, deep-thinking urchin of darkness...or, at least, that's how they would view me if they knew what happens in my mind.
What does happen in my mind? I'm curious. This is what we as humans are programmed to do--question and learn. Attain knowledge, grow from that knowledge. This is what I'm doing, now. I've decided to temporarily throw LDS beliefs and traditions out the window for the sake of my sanity. I want to know what else is out there before I dedicate my life to something that I'm not even sure is true. Can you blame me? If you're blaming me, get the hell off my blog. You're here for the wrong reasons.
I'm taking my life and looking at it from all angles. I'm deciding, questioning, and then re-deciding. I'm moving constantly forward before jumping in a completely different direction. I'm peaceful. I'm interesting. I'm interested. I'm learning with my mind wide open. I'm throwing all prejudices out the window and dissecting them to realize why they exist and how they can be corrected in my mind.
I'm discovering me. Bits of me. And I've never been so happy or confident in my life. Not over-exaggerating.
But Mormon men don't want that. They want someone who has already thought it out. They don't want a reckless, silly little girl; they want a put together, ready-made, obedient lady.
This is why neither of my boyfriends of this year were happy with me. And now I know.
I've found that, given my mind's present location (aka, in space), I shouldn't be looking at LDS men. Not around here, anyway. This is because I don't know what I believe. There it is: I put it out there. I don't know what I believe, people. And men out here are looking for a strong, believing Mormon girl, not a half-assed, deep-thinking urchin of darkness...or, at least, that's how they would view me if they knew what happens in my mind.
What does happen in my mind? I'm curious. This is what we as humans are programmed to do--question and learn. Attain knowledge, grow from that knowledge. This is what I'm doing, now. I've decided to temporarily throw LDS beliefs and traditions out the window for the sake of my sanity. I want to know what else is out there before I dedicate my life to something that I'm not even sure is true. Can you blame me? If you're blaming me, get the hell off my blog. You're here for the wrong reasons.
I'm taking my life and looking at it from all angles. I'm deciding, questioning, and then re-deciding. I'm moving constantly forward before jumping in a completely different direction. I'm peaceful. I'm interesting. I'm interested. I'm learning with my mind wide open. I'm throwing all prejudices out the window and dissecting them to realize why they exist and how they can be corrected in my mind.
I'm discovering me. Bits of me. And I've never been so happy or confident in my life. Not over-exaggerating.
But Mormon men don't want that. They want someone who has already thought it out. They don't want a reckless, silly little girl; they want a put together, ready-made, obedient lady.
This is why neither of my boyfriends of this year were happy with me. And now I know.
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