Pursuing Dreams

I’m finally right at the tail end of my herbal schooling, which feels both nice and terrifying. On one hand, I will feel accomplished for finishing this two-year excursion and have it behind me to be able to actually pursue a life filled with herbs and nature! But, on the other hand, there’s the reality of owning a business and the general fear of the unknown after having such a straight and narrow agenda for so long. The transition from being a student with a structured schedule to a…whatever’s next…has proven to be a big mountain to climb for me emotionally. I’ve already been through this transition once; and, in all my naivety, I thought everything would just work out (spoiler alert: it really didn’t). This time, I’ve been going at it with much more caution and—hopefully—wiser eyes.

Regardless of my caution and (limited) wisdom, there have been desolate days that have been spent burritoed in a blanket, nibbling on candy corn or chocolate, having the occasional crying session, and numbly watching hours of travel videos. Becoming aware of how much time, energy, and money will realistically be required just to start an herbal products business (or any business) is incredibly daunting, not to mention how limited my life will become if this is, indeed, what I wish to pursue. Predictably, these actualizations have brought me to some deep soul searching—figuring out what I want out of life and how herbs are going to fit into that life.

Even while telling myself that my options are wide open, however, I’ve been viewing everything with eyes filled with fear and uncertainty. It wasn’t until this morning, while listening to some music, that I found some peace through HIM’s Heartkiller: Farewell, heartless world. I’ll send you a postcard burnt in flames you’ve tried so hard to extinguish with the fear of failing. I’ll write down everything I have learned, and edit it down to a single word: Love. For you, I’m waiting, anticipating!

In most cases, the opposite of fear is love; and I’ve realized that my fear of failing has been slowly extinguishing the passion that I have for a nature-based life—one filled with healing, tranquility, and purpose. I chose this field out of love: love for myself and my life’s autonomy, love for my family and friends who I hope to help with this information, love for the natural beauty of the planet on which I live and a desire to see its continuation, love for a future that doesn’t slowly destroy me but instead encourages and enables continuous personal growth.

I hope to follow my love into a future that, while still daunting, will be filled with adventure and countless learning experiences. One day at a time, I will find the path that has called to me for some years, now; and the wind that’ll be at my back, nudging me in the right direction will be love. Maybe I’m still being naïve? Hey, maybe my life is one naïve mistake after another. At this point, I don’t care as long as I’m happy and endlessly pursuing that which fills my heart and mind with joy and love. As Muse put it in Invincible: Follow through; make your dreams come true. Don’t give up the fight. You will be alright because there’s no one like you in the universe!

Predictably enough, I have made a playlist called Your Time Is Now for those who need some boot strap pulling, fist pumping, and thought provoking musical goodness.